The grandparent scam: a checklist for before, during and after the call

"Grandma, it's me." Four words, and if she answers "David?", the caller now has a name, a grandchild and a story to hang on them. After that comes an accident, an arrest or a hospital, plus a reason it must stay secret and be fixed today. This page is a checklist for both generations: the grandparent who may take the call, and the grown children who want the family ready before it comes.

Before the phone rings

• Tell them the scam exists, in an ordinary voice. A warning given in advance lands better than a lecture given afterwards.
• Choose a family safe word and say it aloud. Questions like "what did we eat at Christmas?" can be researched on social media. A word that was never posted cannot.
• Do not text the word. A message thread is readable by anyone who holds that phone or has taken over that account.
• Grant permission to hang up. The pitch works by making a grandparent feel that hanging up abandons a child, so say the opposite in advance: "If I am ever really in trouble, I will have the word."
• Keep public posts thin. Scammers pick up names, relationships and travel plans from open profiles. You cannot hide everything, but "Grandma's number" and a trip itinerary do not need to be public.
• Rehearse the hang-up sentence once, out loud. Under pressure people reach for what they have practiced, and a line they have said at the kitchen table comes out of the mouth more easily.
• Name a first call. Agree on one relative every grandparent rings when a call feels wrong, so nobody has to decide who to bother while frightened.
• Send strangers to voicemail. The cheat sheet for helping a parent shows the settings, and fewer unknown calls means fewer chances for this one.

While the caller is on the line

• Do not supply a name. The caller opens vaguely on purpose. If you say "David?", you have written the script for them.
• Notice a secrecy request. "Don't tell Mom and Dad" is the part of the story that keeps anyone from checking it.
• Notice the clock. A deadline of minutes or hours exists to stop you thinking, and a real grandchild can be rung back in ninety seconds.
• Notice how payment is requested. Gift cards, a wire transfer, cryptocurrency or cash handed to a courier are all hard to reverse, which is why scammers choose them.
• Distrust a second voice. A "lawyer", "officer" or "bail clerk" who joins to take over the details is part of the act.
• Do not rely on the voice. A crying or muffled voice sounds different from anyone, and voices can be imitated, so "it sounded just like him" is not evidence.
• Do not rely on the screen. Caller ID can be faked. A code such as 876 dials like a domestic number but is outside the United States, which the number checker will show, although it never names the caller.
• Say one boring sentence and hang up: "I am going to hang up and call you back on your number." It accuses no one and ends the long emotional conversation the caller needs.

If the caller pleads, cries, says the battery is dying or says a lawyer is waiting, each of those is a reason to end the call faster.

Right after the call

• Ring the grandchild on the number already saved in the phone. Not redial, and never a number the caller gave you. In nearly every case the grandchild is fine, at work, and wondering why you are calling at two in the afternoon.
• If nobody answers, ring a parent, a sibling or a friend. One of them will know where the grandchild is.
• If money or gift-card numbers went out, move the same day. Contact the bank, card company or payment service, and for gift cards call the card company on the number printed on the card. Recovery is not guaranteed, and speed is the one thing that helps. The first-hour guide has the order.
• Write down what was said. Note the number on the screen, the name the caller used, the payment they asked for and the times. The bank call and the report both go faster with notes.
• Report it at reportfraud.ftc.gov. If cash was handed to someone at the door, tell local police too.
• Be kind about it. The calls are rehearsed and aimed at the most generous person in a family. Embarrassment is the scammer's second weapon, because it keeps people quiet while the caller tries again.
• Warn the teenagers too. They can get the mirror-image call about a grandparent, and our guide on teaching a teenager to handle unknown calls covers it.

The same shape turns up under other costumes: a spouse, a nephew, a pastor, a friend. A loved one, an emergency, secrecy, speed and unusual payment. Learn that shape and you can spot it in any version. Questions about what a real bail process looks like in your state vary by place, and this page is general information, not legal advice.